Tag Archive for 'thesis'

the revision is done!

Rejoice! The revision is done! Well, almost. The body is done. References need to be renumbered (yet again) and spelling/grammatical errors need to be fixed. But then it’s done! All I have to work on after that is re-making my tables and graphs for my Appendix sections (which shouldn’t be too hard if Excel will cooperate with me). I managed to painfully squeeze out 115 whole pages. I’m proud. Now, of course, I still have to send it to my committee members to tear apart. I’m hoping they’ll cut me some slack since I went out of my way to address every single issue that they brought up on my first draft. If they’re still not happy, I hope that they’ll just tell me what to write instead of trying to make me figure it out again. It’ll save all of us precious time.

On a completely unrelated note, how cool are the new MacBooks? Too cool. In fact, I’ve already ordered one to replace my current much-hopped-on-by-my-corgi-puppy one. I’m hoping it’ll come before I finish my thesis because otherwise, what would I use it for? Blogging? :P

on second thought…

I’m kinda screwed. Let’s count the ways:

1) My hypotheses suck. In my defense, I knew they sucked and I didn’t want to go with them, but my major professor made me. And now I get to look like an idiot when my committee member calls them “naive.”

2) My results suck. It’s not good when your baseline measurements are significantly different from each other.

3) My discussion sucks. That would be because no one told me how to write a dissertation discussion. And also because my hypotheses and results suck.

So yeah, I spent a week sulking over these sad facts. I finally got off my ass and started working on my revision today. And it’s not fun.

whoo hoo it’s revision time

Just the thing I was waiting for. Revisions. Do I sound excited?

It was hard enough getting the damn dissertation out. Now I have to revise it? I’m not actually as incredulous as I might be sounding right now because I know that my writing and my logic are not perfect and I expected that I would have to make massive revisions. I’m actually glad that the comments are pretty mild and that I don’t have to rewrite the whole thing as I had feared. But that doesn’t mean that the task doesn’t seem daunting to me. Especially because my world has just been turned upside down by issues I would rather not discuss. Just when I was getting back on my feet, shit happens to knock me back down.

In any case, one of the reasons why I’m just a tad annoyed at some of the comments I received is that a lot of them are about things that my stupid major professor told me to say or do that I disagreed with but that he said were fine. And when they got called out and I pointed out to him that it was him who suggested them to me and forced me to write these things, he tried to deny it or imply that I had misunderstood what he had told me to do. He actually criticized me on something he himself told me to do and which I hesitated to do! When other reviewers point out these things, it’s not like I get to defend myself and say to them, “But my major professor made me do it!” I just get stuck with these reviewers believing that I’m an idiot when I’m not. And that’s why this whole revision stings a little bit. Not because I think I’m perfect, but because not all of the mistakes are mine.

But what can I do, right? It’s always been like this with my major professor. If I just suck it up this time around, then I can be done with him for good!

yatta! it’s done!

FINALLY! I completed my first draft of my dissertation last Thursday, just in time to go on vacation! I can’t believe it took so long and all I wrote was 94 double-spaced pages. Looking back, it was really my own inertia that prevented me from finishing…the task just seemed so monumental that there was no point in starting, even when I had already finished everything but the discussion. I literally sat on my ass and watched my puppy for three weeks instead of working on it. When I finally did start writing again, all it took was a week for me to finish! Of course, it’s not done until I get my committee’s signatures and turn it in, which will probably require several painful revisions, but at least I’m over the first hurdle. I just hope my major professor can put his narcissism aside for a moment and not nitpick every word I’ve written. Not likely, but I can still dream…

update: of puppies, chanel, and iphones

Yes, I’ve been MIA again. It’s really hard to write when I’m too busy being a blob.

I deferred my second rotation because the ghost of my dissertation just would not stop haunting me. Translation: my asshole major professor kept demanding a draft from me despite the fact that no one really expects us to pump out a dissertation during our third year of med school. It was a tough decision, but it was just something I had to do in order to make sure that I could focus completely on my rotations so that I don’t fail. One can skate by with only half a mind on Psych, but not while on Peds or Medicine. And I’ve been making good progress so far.

This whole deferment has allowed me to enjoy life a bit more, which is good because I’ve learned to appreciate the little things, like watching my adorable corgi puppy sleep in my lap all day long. It’s also bad because I will have to learn to live a shadow of a life once I return in August. I’m not yet sure how I’ll deal with that yet, but my preliminary plan involves large amounts of Prozac.* Speaking of my puppy, he is absolutely awesome! He’s the cutest thing ever! I always thought that I would miss him having a tail (my other dog has a really fluffy tail that has a tendency to knock things over quite often), but I now find my puppy’s little nubbin to be quite adequate at expressing his emotions and quite cute to boot. From behind, he looks like a bunny hopping when he runs. He’s a handful, but nothing compared to the horror stories I’ve heard about other breeds. I definitely cannot imagine my life without him and can see why Queen Elizabeth II has a bunch of corgis.

What else is new? Well, say hello to my new acquisition:

Isn’t it pretty? It better be because it costed $1000 more than our 52″ LCD TV. I could also have bought the Macbook Air with the amount of money I spent on this purse. Or that Canon 40D DSLR that I’ve been coveting for a year now. But, no, because I am a woman after all, I instead blow my money on a Chanel purse. And all because it’s purple and shiny and super-limited-edition. It was supposed to be my reward for finishing my first draft of my dissertation. I was just at the boutique to try it on so that my husband could then later buy it for me when I fulfilled my end of the bargain, but we ended up buying it because Chanel newbie that I am didn’t realize what incredible good fortune I had to even be able to find it at this late juncture, but at least had the good sense to know that I would forever kick myself if I passed it up. So I possess this purse that I wasn’t planning to buy for another 10 years now and I am quite broke. It is also still all boxed up (my husband was kind enough to let me take it out for a few hours to take pictures of it) waiting for me to finish that draft before it can come out and play. And now you know why I’ve been so productive as of late.

And lastly, somehow beyond all reason, my husband was able to convince me to wake up at 4:30 am the morning of July 11th to head out to our local Apple store to wait in line for the iPhone 3G. Because, of course, I just had to have it. So that’s what we did. And it was quite the interesting experience. We were, of course, not the only crazies as there were already 50ish people there by the time we got there and the line grew to well over 100 people by the time the Apple store opened. I thought I would feel really lame about waiting in line for a phone, but I have to say that I was glad to have experienced it. Of course, my shiny new iPhone 3G was defective and I had to go back a week later to get it replaced, but at least I have one now. By the way, it’s also all sorts of awesome.

*I kid. Sort of.

i’m still alive…barely

So I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t finish my thesis by two days ago. I was making progress last week. Not fast enough, of course, because who really can write 20 pages of scientific stuff a day? But last Wednesday, I made it to page 25 and I was proud. I was done with Materials & Methods and I was proud (well except for the fact that my thesis was going to be woefully short). So then I set about starting the results section. And realized that the data my major professor wanted me to use didn’t exist. So then I got stuck because the major professor was out of the country. Then I got all despondent because it was feeling like I was never going to finish my thesis and be done with grad school. But I couldn’t stay despondent for long because I had to make that pesky poster for my little conference thing tomorrow. Which I only managed to barely finish last night just in time to get it printed at Kinko’s for a handsome sum. And now I really hate Microsoft because it really shouldn’t have taken that long. And I’m also far too lazy to start working on my thesis again. So I’m lounging around enjoying the nice weather and silently freaking out about my thesis inside. But, yes, I’m still alive.

me? i’m kinda screwed

Two months ago, I was supposed to start writing my dissertation. Or at least that’s when my major professor thinks I started writing my dissertation. At first, I put it off for a week. I just needed one more week to slack off before I got serious, I swore. Then one week became two. Then I decided to wait until Christmas break. Surely, I would get so bored that I would just have to start writing. But my lovely brother got me Rock Band (awesome game, by the way) for Christmas. And my brothers and I just had to beat the game. Then, New Year’s came and went and not a single word was written. Of course, I was just starting to be all hardcore about starting my writing when I was struck down by a cold. Not only was I sick, but my husband was too, so my brief moments of consciousness were spent taking care of him and making sure we didn’t starve. Then I had to slack off to make off for my sick days and swore I would start writing soon after. Well, that didn’t happen either. I woke up on Chinese New Year freaking out about the fact that I had yet to write a single word of my dissertation, but convinced myself that it was bad luck to freak out about such things on such a day and went back to sleep. For the whole day. After swearing that I would start writing the next day. Which I didn’t. Then my major professor went out of the country and I’m really down to the wire because he requested a draft be ready when he returns. Which is next Monday. But even though that happened last Monday, I did not start writing until today. That’s right. Your eyes do not deceive you. I only started writing today. And given that it’s now the end of the day and I’ve only written one page, I’m realizing that I am so totally screwed that it’s not even funny. I’m kind of hating myself right now. Yet, at the same time, I’m amazed at the slacker I’ve become. Did I also mention that I have to make a poster presentation on the 28th and that my poster does not yet exist? Yeah, I’ve definitely backed myself up into a major corner at this point. So I really hope you understand if I disappear for a little awhile…

dr jekyll and mr hyde

I was feeling ambitious today, so I actually cracked open another student’s thesis that was lying around my soon-to-not-be-my office and tried to give my thesis a go.  I came up with an outline and started looking up papers for my introduction section.  And I even learned a few things along the way.  I was feeling pretty good about it all.Then my major professor showed up to start cleaning out my office.  Which he never got around to.  Instead, he spent all of his time cavorting with Mistress and getting his ego stroked by Teacher’s Pet.  But of course, he claims he came in today to meet with Teacher’s Pet and me.  I really wanted no part of it because I really don’t enjoy witnessing Teacher’s Pet stroke his ego and him soaking it all up like rays of sunshine.  But I had no choice, of course.  Surprisingly enough, he actually wanted to talk about the study I’m involved in, not hers.  But that’s where the positives end.  Because whenever I tried to ask him rather well-thought out and legitimate questions about analyzing our data leading to us possibly unblinding ourselves and unconsciously tainting our results, he would cut me off mid-sentence and talk down to me as if I were an idiot.  Okay, fine.  I should be used to that by now.  But what makes it all so appalling is the fact that not two seconds after he finishes making me feel like an idiot, Teacher’s Pet chimes in with exactly the same question and he actually lets her finish what she’s saying and answers her reasonably (not rightly, just without raising his voice or talking down to her).  This happened not once during the meeting, not twice, but every single time I tried to say anything.  I got so fed up with the overt discrimination that was going on that I was thisclose to blowing my lid and calling him out on his behavior and telling him where to shove his pompous attitude.  The only reason why I kept my cool was because I knew that he would simply deny what he was so blatantly doing and I would just look like an irrational idiot.Suffice it to say I couldn’t get out of that so-called meeting fast enough.  I really was spoiled by his long hiatus.  I forgot what an asshole he is.   But I remember now.  I really need to get myself out of here.