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Tag Archive for 'girlfriend'

our prayers have been answered

Or not. I’m ever the cynic, so although I’m hoping against hope that what I hear is true, I’m prepared for it to all be a sham. “So, stop stalling and give us the news already!” you say?


*drum roll*

Not-so-dear brother-in-law finally broke up with his super-psycho-super-fugly girlfriend!

Yep, your eyes are not deceiving you. Against all odds, it has finally happened. So why am I still so pessismistic about the whole thing? Well, for many reasons.

1. Not-so-dear brother-in-law claims they broke up in December. Yet we only hear about it now. Even though he got into a big fight with my husband over her and not-so-dear brother-in-law could have easily ended it by telling my husband that she was out of the picture. But since I have no idea when exactly they broke up, it could have very well happened after that fight (though not likely based on the double entendres that were coming out of sister-in-law’s mouth during another visit around Christmas). Now, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he broke up with her after the fight. Then why didn’t he tell my husband sometime before now knowing that it was mainly her being such a pervasive negative part of his life that led to the destruction of my husband’s and his once quite close relationship?

2. They are still living together. Not in the same room, but in the same condo, in rooms that are right next to each other. Not to mention that it took them breaking up before he finally admitted that they were living together even though it was more obvious than global warming. And we all know that continuing to see and talk to each other everyday doesn’t really constitute a break-up, does it?

3. They’re still doing stuff together. Albeit it seems that it’s because they have so many mutual friends since she didn’t allow him to make any friends of his own. But still, in that situation, I’d make new friends. Again, just like reason #2, doing stuff together after breaking up doesn’t really constitute a break-up.

4. She seems to still be pining away for him (thank you, Facebook). Which makes the fact that they still live together and do stuff together extra scary.

5. I really cannot believe that this crazy psycho bitch actually let him break up with her without forcing him to stay by threatening suicide or some other crazy thing. So, really, it could all just be a big fat lie.

I think I have some valid concerns here, don’t you? I believe that when you break up with a person, you should always cut all contact for a period of time so that both of you can process the break-up and move on before resuming a friendship if such a thing is so desired. Somehow magically flipping a switch between doing the nasty every night to being just mere friends doesn’t seem too realistic at all and is just asking for failure and more drama. Not to mention the fact that no new love interest is going to be willing to date you with your ex looming so close, which then makes you think you’re undesirable, leading you to fall back into the arms of your ex.

Despite all these reasons, I try to remain cautiously optimistic because not-so-dear brother-in-law’s bout with this batshit crazy girl has taken him down a notch…or five. Two summers ago when he was here with passive aggressive cousin-in-law, not-so-dear brother-in-law acted like he was the shit and that he was better than me (we all know that he’s not even close to being in the same league). But now, he’s actually having to take an extra year to finish school because he needs to raise his GPA to be competitive for optometry school and because he needs more time to study for the OAT. Seriously?  Not to be a total snob, but optometry school is nowhere near as competitive as med school and his GPA is too shitty even for that?! And we all remember how he claimed many times over that he needed to go back to school during summers and breaks early to study for the OAT, what, TWO years ago?! And after more than two years of “studying,” he still hasn’t taken the damn test?! Again, the OAT is nothing compared to the MCAT. I know plenty of people who sucked at the MCAT but aced the OAT. What does that tell you? Of course, that super-fugly-super-psycho girlfriend totally dragged his ass down. The kicker here is she did just fine and is graduating on time and has gotten accepted to professional school. Gotta love that, right? Anyway, my point is that hopefully, if I am right, the reason he finally dumped her ass was because he finally, now that all of his peers are moving on and he’s not, has realized that she fucked him over badly and realizes that if he doesn’t want to become a complete loser, he has to get rid of her. If this is, in fact, his reasoning, then I have hope yet that he won’t end up back with her because there’s nothing this guy hates more than failure. That and the prospect of mother-in-law finding out her golden child is a failure must scare him more than anything. But do these things scare him enough to counteract all of the things he has going against him listed above?

What do you think? Will this break-up stick?

when you ask to stay at my place…

Don’t tell me the reason why you’re in town is that you want to visit and hang out with me and your brother when it’s not true. Because then I’m led to conclude that all you really wanted was a private room and bed in which to do the nasty with your concubine #5 since your crazy mom (in a rare moment of non-craziness) removed the locks from all the doors at home to prevent being a party to such activities. Ah, I knew that it wouldn’t be long before charismatic brother-in-law ended up on my shitlist too. I think by now we can conclude that if you’re in any way related to my husband, be it by blood or otherwise, you will end up on my shitlist. It’s not a matter of if, but rather a matter of when. Anyway, so charismatic brother-in-law brought concubine #5 (he has so many that I really don’t remember if she’s #5 or not, but I do know that she is the current favored one) into town claiming that she wanted to get to know us better. I was against this visit in the first place because the husband was supposed to spend this weekend studying for an impending midterm, but agreed against my better judgment after extracting a no-nasty-business-in-my-house promise from charismatic brother-in-law.

Well, first off, they arrive at some ungodly hour. Then we asked them if they had eaten and concubine #5 replied that she hadn’t. So I offered her three different food choices.

Me: Well, we have porkchops, stir fry noodles, or beef.

Concubine #5 [doesn't respond and looks away at charismatic brother-in-law]

Me [after scooping rice into a container to put away in order to give concubine #5 some time to respond]: So, what do you want to eat?

Concubine #5 [testily]: I don’t know.

At that point, I really wanted to shove some food in her face, but instead I just put the food away and went somewhere else. But, tell me, what kind of guest acts like that? What kind of guest who should be trying to ingratiate herself with the family acts like that? And she’s charismatic brother-in-law’s current favorite (even though she’s the ugliest of his batch of concubines; tell me, what’s with my husband’s family and ugly chicks?) because of her good manners. Riiiiiight. That must have been some kind of code for how good she is in bed. After that, I pretty much decided that I would make no effort whatsoever with her and that she would have to initiate any further interactions. You would think that seeing how boisterous she was with my sister-in-law, that she would have had no problem. But she did not even try.

Then the following day, we decided to take them out to lunch. Yes, that meant we paid. And we didn’t even get a “Thanks for lunch” out of either of them. Not only that, but even with my super extroverted husband around, the conversation went nowhere. My husband’s valiant attempts to make conversation were met with impenetrable resistance so we ended up eating in silence. Talk about awkward. It was bad. I rank it right up there with how awkward it was to eat with not-so-dear brother-in-law and his super-psycho-super-fugly girlfriend since you could cut through the silence with a knife then too. I thought that charismatic brother-in-law’s concubine #1 (his first and the prettiest of the lot) was hard to talk to, but damn was I wrong. Her quietness was no match for my husband’s extroversion and he easily got her to talk. We spent four-plus hours sitting outside of a deli with her and charismatic brother-in-law with none of the awkwardness that pervaded our mere 45-minute lunch with him and concubine #5.

I couldn’t get away fast enough (or was it them?) and looked forward to some nice not-having-them-around time since charismatic brother-in-law wanted to show her around town while my husband studied. Imagine how displeased I was when they returned home not 45 minutes after we parted ways. And then proceeded to hole themselves up in our guest room for the rest of the day as if they were at some sort of hotel. Suffice it to say, I had to try really hard to contain my relief when they finally left later that night.

So much for coming to hang out with us, huh? Trust me, I’m never allowing it again, so the moral of the story is: don’t tell me you’re visiting me when you’re just using me and my house as a safe haven away from your mom’s crazy intrusiveness. Unless you enjoy being on my shitlist, of course.