my life, my pace

As soon as I finish this damn useless PhD, of course. Though at this point, I’m not quite sure that I’ll make it to the end without going on a murderous rampage.

Let’s review how I got here.

1. I spent a whole two years in my major professor’s lab answering his fucking phone and making his Powerpoints. Then he has the nerve to make it my fault that I’m now taking an extra year to finish when it’s really his fault since he’s an ass.

2. I keep getting interrogated in the most demeaning and humiliating way possible whenever I present my work. And you know why? Because the whole fucking world thinks my dumbass major professor is a kook, which then makes me a kook since I’m being “trained” by him. No matter how much I try to distance myself and my work from him, it’s too late because I’m associated with him and that instantly makes me a fraud too. And since they can’t attack him, they attack me. And I’m sick of it.

3. Did I already mention that he’s an asshole? Yeah, so he abandons me for Teacher’s Pet and treats her like a human being, but treats me as badly as those people who like to interrogate and humiliate me treat me. He, who knows nothing about my work, dares to flat out tell me that I’m fucking wrong in what I plan to do next after proving quite conclusively the uniform lethality of the agent I’m testing. Sure, I might be wrong, but he has no right to insult me the way he did when he told me. And for the record, I’m not wrong, he is. I wouldn’t mind if he treats everyone the same way, but he doesn’t. He’s so sweet to Teacher’s Pet that I think I’m going to get cavities from just watching. If I wanted to be abused, I’d go back to med school dammit. At least then it’ll be for something that I actually want and it’ll be worth it.

So there you have it. Once this is all over, my PhD will just be for show. There’s no way in hell I’m continuing with a career in research after all the crap that I’ve been through. Too bad for humanity. I might have discovered the cure for cancer.