And that is why I’ve been gone for I-can’t-even-remember-how-long. I’m always thinking to myself throughout pretty much everyday of my third year so far: “Wow! I should really blog about this!” But by the time I get home and eat dinner, it’s time to go to sleep to start the whole crappy routine all over again.
Oh the stories I have to tell!
Third year is sucking the life out of me. My brain works so hard everyday that when I finally get to stop, all I want to do is sit around and not think. I was at the airport one day waiting to board a plane and was staring at my brightly-printed Tokidoki bag when my husband asked me, “Uh, what are you doing?” “Staring at my bag,” I replied. He thought I was crazy. But I just need to turn my brain off sometimes! It’s perpetually on and running, running, running everyday all day long. “Today sucks. I can’t believe I’m here. Oh wait. Don’t look bored. Look interested. You love this! Oh crap. Where should I stand? Did I say that right? Well, that was a stupid thing to say! Am I being empathetic enough? But I don’t know how to do what you’re telling me to do! Gotta pretend like I do anyway! Nod yes. Crap I hope they don’t figure out I don’t understand what the hell they’re talking about. Please don’t yell at me. Please don’t yell at me. Fuck my life.” Even when I get home, it doesn’t stop. “What do I have to do tonight so I don’t look like an idiot tomorrow? Crap, I really gotta study. Crap rounds are at 6?!” You’re lucky I’m even writing a post!
So I’ve done surgery. I’m on pediatrics now. I know I’m not going to be a surgeon. I actually like kids a lot more than I ever thought I would. But it’s early. We’ll see. And now I must shut down my brain. Stories from surgery hell next time I post.
