my life, my pace

Or not. I’m ever the cynic, so although I’m hoping against hope that what I hear is true, I’m prepared for it to all be a sham. “So, stop stalling and give us the news already!” you say?

Well…

*drum roll*

Not-so-dear brother-in-law finally broke up with his super-psycho-super-fugly girlfriend!

Yep, your eyes are not deceiving you. Against all odds, it has finally happened. So why am I still so pessismistic about the whole thing? Well, for many reasons.

1. Not-so-dear brother-in-law claims they broke up in December. Yet we only hear about it now. Even though he got into a big fight with my husband over her and not-so-dear brother-in-law could have easily ended it by telling my husband that she was out of the picture. But since I have no idea when exactly they broke up, it could have very well happened after that fight (though not likely based on the double entendres that were coming out of sister-in-law’s mouth during another visit around Christmas). Now, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he broke up with her after the fight. Then why didn’t he tell my husband sometime before now knowing that it was mainly her being such a pervasive negative part of his life that led to the destruction of my husband’s and his once quite close relationship?

2. They are still living together. Not in the same room, but in the same condo, in rooms that are right next to each other. Not to mention that it took them breaking up before he finally admitted that they were living together even though it was more obvious than global warming. And we all know that continuing to see and talk to each other everyday doesn’t really constitute a break-up, does it?

3. They’re still doing stuff together. Albeit it seems that it’s because they have so many mutual friends since she didn’t allow him to make any friends of his own. But still, in that situation, I’d make new friends. Again, just like reason #2, doing stuff together after breaking up doesn’t really constitute a break-up.

4. She seems to still be pining away for him (thank you, Facebook). Which makes the fact that they still live together and do stuff together extra scary.

5. I really cannot believe that this crazy psycho bitch actually let him break up with her without forcing him to stay by threatening suicide or some other crazy thing. So, really, it could all just be a big fat lie.

I think I have some valid concerns here, don’t you? I believe that when you break up with a person, you should always cut all contact for a period of time so that both of you can process the break-up and move on before resuming a friendship if such a thing is so desired. Somehow magically flipping a switch between doing the nasty every night to being just mere friends doesn’t seem too realistic at all and is just asking for failure and more drama. Not to mention the fact that no new love interest is going to be willing to date you with your ex looming so close, which then makes you think you’re undesirable, leading you to fall back into the arms of your ex.

Despite all these reasons, I try to remain cautiously optimistic because not-so-dear brother-in-law’s bout with this batshit crazy girl has taken him down a notch…or five. Two summers ago when he was here with passive aggressive cousin-in-law, not-so-dear brother-in-law acted like he was the shit and that he was better than me (we all know that he’s not even close to being in the same league). But now, he’s actually having to take an extra year to finish school because he needs to raise his GPA to be competitive for optometry school and because he needs more time to study for the OAT. Seriously?  Not to be a total snob, but optometry school is nowhere near as competitive as med school and his GPA is too shitty even for that?! And we all remember how he claimed many times over that he needed to go back to school during summers and breaks early to study for the OAT, what, TWO years ago?! And after more than two years of “studying,” he still hasn’t taken the damn test?! Again, the OAT is nothing compared to the MCAT. I know plenty of people who sucked at the MCAT but aced the OAT. What does that tell you? Of course, that super-fugly-super-psycho girlfriend totally dragged his ass down. The kicker here is she did just fine and is graduating on time and has gotten accepted to professional school. Gotta love that, right? Anyway, my point is that hopefully, if I am right, the reason he finally dumped her ass was because he finally, now that all of his peers are moving on and he’s not, has realized that she fucked him over badly and realizes that if he doesn’t want to become a complete loser, he has to get rid of her. If this is, in fact, his reasoning, then I have hope yet that he won’t end up back with her because there’s nothing this guy hates more than failure. That and the prospect of mother-in-law finding out her golden child is a failure must scare him more than anything. But do these things scare him enough to counteract all of the things he has going against him listed above?

What do you think? Will this break-up stick?

Related posts:

1. why must everything be about not-so-dear brother-in-law?Just because I haven't written about my crazy in-laws for awhile does not by any means mean that they've become any less crazy. I just figured that I would give the whining a break before I scare off all two of my readers. Well, I think I've taken a long enough break from all of that, so here's an in-law-centric post. My husband and I went on vacation recently to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We make it a point to spend it at the location where we got married because it's quite picturesque and not too expensive to travel to every year. Well, it also happens to be the location where not-so-dear brother-in-law is staying for the summer because he's pretending that he's studying really hard for the OAT (come on now, who actually needs to study for the OAT?!) when in fact it's because his super psycho super fugly girlfriend wants him all to herself for the summer. Suffice it to say, we didn't bother to inform him of our visit or try to make contact in any way. Which of course doesn't mean that he didn't know about our visit. Because we stayed at my other brother-in-law's place (yes, they go to the same college even though they hate each other), which required him to have knowledge of our visit, it can safely be assumed that not-so-dear brother-in-law knew we were there because gossip in my husband's family spreads faster than herpes through a college dorm. But true...
2. finally, proofI've always thought that not-so-dear brother-in-law must like ugly girls with alarmingly gummy smiles to still be with his super fugly super psycho girlfriend after 2+ years of fugly-psychoness and now I have my confirmation. This small study found that we look at faces and not bodies (not that she has a nice body anyway) when deciding whether a person is attractive or not. So since not-so-dear brother-in-law was attracted to his super fugly super psycho girlfriend despite the fact that she's super fugly, it can only mean that he finds fugly attractive. I think I just vomit in my mouth a little....
3. gouge out my eyes! please!So I was bored and surfing Facebook this morning (you know you do it too). I noticed that my brother-in-law's ex-girlfriend/f***buddy/who-knows-what-because-he- has-so-many-of-them posted some new pictures so I decided to check them out only to be met by this abomination: Yes, that hideous thing is not-so-dear brother-in-law's super psycho super fugly girlfriend. And I apologize for not warning you first. And I guarantee you that this drawing is pretty damn true to life, what with the squinty eyes and super gummy smile that she insists on not keeping to herself. You see, I was caught off guard here because brother-in-law-with-many-women and not-so-dear brother-in-law don't really get along, so I didn't expect to find not-so-dear brother-in-law let alone super psycho super fugly girlfriend in these pictures. Just goes to show you what a double agent brother-in-law-with-many-women is. Anyway, resting my eyes on that image made me want to gouge out my eyes. And I'm sorry if I have now made you want to gouge yours out too. There was just no other way for me to express my disgust. Besides, now you can be sure that I'm not even close to exaggerating when I call her super fugly....

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