Sometimes it rears its head quite unexpectedly. Sure, I feel guilty about many things. Like blowing $250 on a Wii and then blowing another $300 (I couldn't resist the deal) on an Xbox 360. And not studying for my quals. But one thing I've never felt guilty about is how I have dealt with my in-laws. Sure, I feel guilty about not spending time with my family. But that's my family. They're not crazy. I've never felt guilty about not spending time with my in-laws. Rather, I rejoice whenever I manage to weasel my way out of seeing/hearing from them. And after the stuff they pulled last Thanksgiving and Christmas as well as this past Thanksgiving, I felt absolutely no guilt when I put my foot down and told my husband that we were not going to see them this Christmas. I even gave him quite the time for being so silly as to feel guilty about celebrating Christmas with his new family (that is me and him and the dog).
It's all very logical to me. The in-laws are not pleasant to be around. In fact, it really sucks to be anywhere within 15 miles of them. Therefore, why would I spend my holidays with these people when doing so would just ruin my holidays? Sure, there's room for change, but I'm not going to keep subjecting myself to this torture every year hoping they will change when I have given them no reason to by not "punishing" them for their wrongdoings. I didn't need to convince myself that it was okay not to see them this year.
But then my wuss of a husband couldn't break the news to them himself, which left the matter in my hands. So last night, I called my sister-in-law (don't ask me who put her in charge) and informed her that we would be out-of-town and unable to make it to their place on Christmas. Now she has issues with wanting the like-the-movies perfect Christmas, but I was still surprised at how abruptly she wanted to get off the phone with me after I let that bit of news drop. And I could hear the disappointment in her voice. Which shouldn't have mattered to me because really, in all honesty, I don't give a crap about how she feels after all that she's done to me. But it did matter. And I've spent all day feeling guilty about crushing her hopes for a happy family Christmas. It would have been a fake happy family Christmas because I sure as hell wouldn't have been happy being treated like an outsider and all. But I guess it would have been happy for her.
One side of me says, "So what? That's what they deserve for refusing to accept me as part of the family. If you can't treat the wife well, then you don't get the pleasure of your brother/son visiting." But the other side says, "But it's the holidays." This nagging guilt is bothering me way more than it should. Can it be that all of their crazy Chinese guilt brainwashing has had some effect on me? Or have I just gone soft? Probably a little of both. Luckily for me, it's not like I can actually change my mind without alerting them to my little "we're going out-of-town" lie, so I'll just have to live with the guilt for a little longer. Another two hours should do it. I should be over it by then. Nothing like a little Gears of War to cure my little case of guilt.
I've been a good girl this year. Really, I have. I didn't kill my major professor. And I let not one, but two in-laws spend the summer at my house. And I didn't kill them when they ruined my bathroom. Not to mention that I took care of them even after spraining my ankle pretty badly. So, pretty please, can you bring me just a few things for Christmas? I'm not really asking too much. All I want is to pass my quals and for my experiment tomorrow to work. You see, my requests are quite simple compared to all the other kids who are asking for Wiis and the like. So can I have these things, please? I promise I won't ask for anything next year.
Love,
mylifemypace
Here's another way to freak a grad student out. And it's almost as cruel as randomly changing one of her qualifying exam committee members. It's rather simple, really. Ask her to change the time of her qualifying exam from afternoon to morning so that she can't possibly spend the morning either sleeping because she stayed up really late the night before preparing or doing last minute studying/freaking out. Not only that, but make sure that you're having her change the time for a completely non-life-threatening reason such as simply because you felt like it. Even better yet, also make sure to request this change as close to the actual date of the exam as possible so that it'll really catch her by surprise.
Yep, that's exactly what the chair of my committee wanted. And that's what she got. I was counting on Evil Committee Member to shoot the request down, but she didn't. So now, I get to fail my quals that much earlier on January 24th. My husband thinks it's a good thing because I'll be fresh and will get it over with. But I just think it's going to make things worse than they already are. I'm so screwed
I'm out of town and out of internet. Again. So I'll be back Monday!
I'm bad. I don't eat breakfast. Ever. Well, except when someone forces me to, which only rarely happens and is usually accompanied by regret. I know that breakfast is supposedly "the most important meal of the day," but I just don't like eating in the morning. Doing so just makes me feel all blah and unproductive. I also don't like to eat before exams. So if I have a final at 8am, I don't go out of my way to eat beforehand. Nope. I just wake up, take the final, then eat afterwards. Worked pretty well in undergrad because most of my finals were at 8am. But in med school, things were different. Some of my finals were in the afternoon. Which meant that I had to eat some time before the final since I couldn't possibly starve myself until 4pm (which is when 1pm finals usually end). And I always hated those afternoon exams without really knowing why. Now because of this study that suggests that being hungry actually affects the hippocampus (the area of the brain associated with memory and learning among other things) in mice, I wonder if I didn't like those afternoon exams because I couldn't go into them slightly hungry. This study (if it's true in humans) explains why I don't like eating in the morning or before exams: because not eating keeps me sharper. Wow. I never knew that not eating before exams was my secret. Shh. Don't go telling everyone now.
The fifth and holiday edition of the Carnival of GRADual Progress is now up at Fumbling Towards Geekdom. Enjoy!
Strange how I haven't written about this before, considering it's a very important topic to med students: SLEEP. Or rather, the (complete) lack thereof. Yes, you get no sleep during med school. Either you're too busy hitting the books or hitting it, if you know what I mean. Haha. I tried to make a funny. How true is that second part? Well, let me just say that it's not completely false, wink wink nudge nudge. Anyway, my song for this week is: Get Set Go - Sleep.
And now it's time for me to get some sleep myself. But before I go, I can't forget to ask for your song suggestions! Submit them through the contact form.
TRITTER: Merry Christmas.
HOUSE: And a happy go to hell.
WILSON: I did this to help you.
HOUSE: Next Christmas buy me a sweater.
ABIGAIL’S MOM: My daughter and I both have cartilage hair hypoplasia. Think you can make a pun out of that?
HOUSE: Yes. But I don’t want to be insensitive. She’s got a bit of a short fuse, doesn’t she?
CAMERON: What are you going to do?
HOUSE: I thought I’d get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual.
You’re going to come begging me to save this girl long before I come begging you for pills.
Can we get past my vices and get back to my virtues?
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