as the (lab) world turns (episode 5)

Super Bored Grad Student is sitting at her desk working hard on trying to come up with a new idea for her PhD project since her experiment last week so clearly showed that Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor’s miracle treatment that she is supposed to test for her thesis is a miracle dud. In pops Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor (which is never good).

Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor: So have you scheduled more experiments in the new animal species we’re going to use yet?
Super Bored Grad Student (shocked): No…Why would I continue the study when the stuff we’re testing doesn’t work? It doesn’t matter what animal model we use when the stuff just doesn’t work. You should talk to Dr. Happy Surgery Collaborator. He doesn’t think it works either and I don’t think he wants to continue the experiments.
Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor: It has to work. Dr. Probably Fudges Data at Other University uses it and it works.
Super Bored Grad Student: You told me he wasn’t using the same stuff.
Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor: He is.
Super Bored Grad Student: No. His stuff is produced somewhere else.
Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor (so clearly lying): No. I checked with him. It’s the exact same stuff. It works in his rodent model.
Super Bored Grad Student (sarcastically): And rodents have the exact same physiology as the much larger closer to human physiology animals we’re using.
Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor: Well, you have to do it or else you won’t finish your thesis.
Super Bored Grad Student (to self): DUH!!! But getting no results whatsoever and proving that something does NOT work is NOT a thesis. They won’t accept that. (to Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor): How can it be my thesis when it doesn’t work?

Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor storms off into his office and slams his door (who’s the professor and who’s the immature student here?!) and proceeds to call Dr. Happy Surgery Collaborator to bully him into agreeing with him (this wouldn’t be the first time) just to make Super Bored Grad Student look stupid (although who really looks like the idiot here? The grad student or the immature professor that just has to be right even when he’s not and turns everything into a pissing contest even though he should be older and so above such things?). Dr. Happy Surgery Collaborator must see Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor’s number on his caller ID and doesn’t pick up. That doesn’t stop Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor, of course, who sends out an email demanding a conference call on the matter tomorrow.

Super Bored Grad Student is so screwed. But she’s not going down without a fight. She sends Dr. Happy Surgery Collaborator the results in graphical form (for faster and easier interpretation while under Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor’s rapidfire pressure) of all their experiments in the (slim) hopes that for once, Dr. Happy Surgery Collaborator will take her side (which is not likely considering he is paid to do these collaborations). And she will be taking this matter all the way to the person in charge of her program if she has to. She is not going to take 15 years to finish her PhD just because her Grumpy Old Major Professor refuses to admit that he’s wrong. But this battle has taken its toll on her. It’s been over two long years. Two long years of getting absolutely nowhere and being yelled at for trying to get somewhere, for showing an inkling of free thought (which was what she thought PhDs are supposed to do). She’s a feisty one, but she’s beginning to be worn down. We can see her frustration as she whips out her Nintendo DS Lite and begins to furiously play Trauma Center.

Tune in next time to see if Dr. Happy Surgery Collaborator takes her side or if Super Bored Grad Student will have to resort to blackmail to get her PhD.

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1. as the (lab) world turns (episode 6)Super Bored Grad Student is working furiously at compiling all of her experimental data into easy to understand graphs for Dr. Happy Surgery Collaborator.  She hopes that doing so will help him see that the data doesn’t support Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor’s crazy desire to carry on with the pointless project.  However, she has come upon an interesting trend, one that shows that Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor’s miracle treatment just may be having an effect, just not on the parameter that matters.  She angrily crunches the numbers again and then one more time because she does not want Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor to be right for the wrong reason.  But the results do not lie.  Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor’s miracle treatment was in fact doing something.  And that’s all that can be said—it’s doing something…what, no one knows.  Good or bad?  No one knows.  The fact remains though, that these results mean that it’s not quite time yet to abandon the pointless project.  And Super Bored Grad Student doesn’t mind being wrong.  What she does mind is the fact that Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor tried to bully her into blindly following him without anything whatsoever to justify why he wanted to continue.  He never saw the data.  And he wasn’t there for the experiment.  So why did he want her to carry on?  Just because he said so.  And it sure sucks for her that her results ended up justifying his desire to carry on,...
2. as the (lab) world turns (episode 8)(Early) Daylight savings time has just started and Super Bored Grad Student is super-tired from a very hectic weekend and having to wake up early this morning.  It takes her half of the day to finally start analyzing the first bits of data she has finally been able to obtain since starting on her doomed experiments last January.  Unfortunately for her, the only computer set up to analyze her data is in the common area, so she has to come out of hiding and sit in the open to get her work done.  This, of course, leaves her open to attack from various annoyances, namely Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor.  Luckily, he was busy actually doing some real work for once and left her alone for the most part.  But she knew that the longer she stayed out there, the more likely it was that something was going to happen. Dr. Next Door's grad student comes by to drop off a prospective new student for Dr. Next Door.  As she is walking away, Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor comes sauntering over on his way to his office and starts talking to her. Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor: So, another student for Dr. Next Door, eh? Dr. Next Door's Grad Student: Yeah.  I'm probably going to have to train him.  And then he'll quit in a week. Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor: Like all the others. Dr. Next Door's grad student leaves and Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor turns to Super...
3. as the (lab) world turns (episode 3)Super Bored Grad Student finally reluctantly makes her return to lab after spraining her ankle in a tennis accident. She doesn’t want to be there but Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor insinuated that she had to be back on this day. Super Bored Grad Student proceeds to (quite clumsily) put her stuff down and set up her laptop. Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor walks out of his office and into hers. Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor (loudly): Ah. She’s back! Too much disco, eh? Super Bored Grad Student (rolls eyes): Right. Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor: Well, are you okay? Super Bored Grad Student: I’m getting by. Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor: Well, I need to bounce something off on you. I’m working on my talk…blah, blah, blah… Super Bored Grad Student has ceased listening to him. Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor hasn't noticed or doesn't care and keeps going. Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor: So does that make sense? Super Bored Grad Student: Uh-huh. Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor finally leaves Super Bored Grad Student alone. Fellow Lab Scut Monkey comes by to check on Super Bored Grad Student. They proceed to catch up on all that’s happened in Super Bored Grad Student’s absence. Dr. Grumpy Old Major Professor isn’t too happy about this and continually walks back and forth outside of Super Bored Grad Student’s office. Fellow Lab Scut Monkey decides to take him on. Fellow Lab Scut Monkey (loudly): You really shouldn’t be here. You should be...

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