me? i’m kinda screwed

Two months ago, I was supposed to start writing my dissertation. Or at least that’s when my major professor thinks I started writing my dissertation. At first, I put it off for a week. I just needed one more week to slack off before I got serious, I swore. Then one week became two. Then I decided to wait until Christmas break. Surely, I would get so bored that I would just have to start writing. But my lovely brother got me Rock Band (awesome game, by the way) for Christmas. And my brothers and I just had to beat the game. Then, New Year’s came and went and not a single word was written. Of course, I was just starting to be all hardcore about starting my writing when I was struck down by a cold. Not only was I sick, but my husband was too, so my brief moments of consciousness were spent taking care of him and making sure we didn’t starve. Then I had to slack off to make off for my sick days and swore I would start writing soon after. Well, that didn’t happen either. I woke up on Chinese New Year freaking out about the fact that I had yet to write a single word of my dissertation, but convinced myself that it was bad luck to freak out about such things on such a day and went back to sleep. For the whole day. After swearing that I would start writing the next day. Which I didn’t. Then my major professor went out of the country and I’m really down to the wire because he requested a draft be ready when he returns. Which is next Monday. But even though that happened last Monday, I did not start writing until today. That’s right. Your eyes do not deceive you. I only started writing today. And given that it’s now the end of the day and I’ve only written one page, I’m realizing that I am so totally screwed that it’s not even funny. I’m kind of hating myself right now. Yet, at the same time, I’m amazed at the slacker I’ve become. Did I also mention that I have to make a poster presentation on the 28th and that my poster does not yet exist? Yeah, I’ve definitely backed myself up into a major corner at this point. So I really hope you understand if I disappear for a little awhile…

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  1. yatta! it’s done!FINALLY! I completed my first draft of my dissertation last Thursday, just in time to go on vacation! I can't believe it took so long and all I wrote was 94 double-spaced pages. Looking back, it was really my own inertia that prevented me from finishing...the task just seemed so monumental that there was no point in starting, even when I had already finished everything but the discussion. I literally sat on my ass and watched my puppy for three weeks instead of working on it. When I finally did start writing again, all it took was a week for me to finish! Of course, it's not done until I get my committee's signatures and turn it in, which will probably require several painful revisions, but at least I'm over the first hurdle. I just hope my major professor can put his narcissism aside for a moment and not nitpick every word I've written. Not likely, but I can still dream......
  2. it’s so hard to say goodbye…...NOT! So I went to see all of my committee members last week to give them final copies of my dissertation and thank you gifts. I had a nice long talk with Dr. Happy Surgery Collaborator and he genuinely complimented me on my work and how much skill I must have to have been able to rewrite my dissertation so fast. He's always been nice to me, from when my experiments totally failed to going over my dissertation and helping me make sense out of the nonsense my major professor made me write. He was probably more of a mentor to me than my major professor ever was and I'll miss working with him. My other committee member was out-of-town, so that saved me plenty of awkwardness. And finally, I had to go visit my major professor. I set up a specific time and everything with him, but when I showed up, I was told that he was in a meeting. I was surprised and asked what sort of meeting this was that he hadn't told me about and learned that he was just bragging away to the poor new research associate in the lab next door. He likes to snag the impressionable ones early on to start his brainwashing. I figured that he would kick the poor soul out of his office once I showed up, but he didn't. He just kept talking to her while I stood outside waiting. After awhile, he finally paused and asked me, "You...
  3. whoo hoo it’s revision timeJust the thing I was waiting for. Revisions. Do I sound excited? It was hard enough getting the damn dissertation out. Now I have to revise it? I'm not actually as incredulous as I might be sounding right now because I know that my writing and my logic are not perfect and I expected that I would have to make massive revisions. I'm actually glad that the comments are pretty mild and that I don't have to rewrite the whole thing as I had feared. But that doesn't mean that the task doesn't seem daunting to me. Especially because my world has just been turned upside down by issues I would rather not discuss. Just when I was getting back on my feet, shit happens to knock me back down. In any case, one of the reasons why I'm just a tad annoyed at some of the comments I received is that a lot of them are about things that my stupid major professor told me to say or do that I disagreed with but that he said were fine. And when they got called out and I pointed out to him that it was him who suggested them to me and forced me to write these things, he tried to deny it or imply that I had misunderstood what he had told me to do. He actually criticized me on something he himself told me to do and which I hesitated to do! When other reviewers point out these...

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