top 10 reasons why you don’t want me as your professor in the future

So despite my best efforts to convince him otherwise, my husband is stubbornly continuing in his quest to get into med school and is again taking some classes this semester. And, apparently, I’ve become his personal TA. Mind you now, I have zero experience TAing because I managed to weasel my way out of my grad school’s TA requirement thanks to being in a time-limited dual-degree program (read: I don’t have time to waste trying to teach silly undergrads). I also haven’t touched any of the material he’s now learning for well over five years, which doesn’t make his reliance on me as his personal human encyclopedia instead of going to the trouble of actually reading his textbooks rather annoying. Ironic that my goal is to go into academics because I’m pretty sure I would make a horrible professor. So here are the top 10 reasons why you don’t want me for your professor if I ever get that far:

10. I really can’t stand you and I’m not afraid to show it.

Corollary: If you’re a pre-med, I’ll make things twice as hard for you because I really can’t stand pre-meds.

9. I have absolutely zero tolerance for any whining/complaining/demands for extra credit. Such actions will result in you wishing you were never born.

8. I’m aiming for all 1s across at Except for the hotness factor, of course. Because I’m hot.

7. No two exams of mine will ever be alike. Or even close to being alike. So go ahead and hoard my old exams, you dirty cheater.  They won’t help you at all.

6. Lectures will take place at a pace three times faster than what you can follow.

5. And, no, I will not post my Powerpoint presentations before lecture. You’ll be lucky if I post them after lecture.

4. And, no, I will not repeat what I just said. Because you should have been listening to me instead of listening to your iPod/making eyes at your neighbor/text messaging/IMing your psycho significant other. There is nothing I hate more than repeating myself.

3. Asking whether or not what I just put my heart and soul into teaching you will be on the test will result in a swift death.

2. Any question you ask me is a stupid question, which means you’re stupid, and I’ll make sure you know it.

Corollary: I will respond to any question you ask me with another question until you realize that it would just be faster if you looked up the answer yourself in your textbook instead of wasting my time because you can’t be bothered with opening your textbook.

1. My goal as a professor is to break your spirit. Oh, and to ruin that 4.0 GPA. And to crush your hopes of ever getting into med school.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not trying to alienate my pre-med readers. If you’re a pre-med and spend any time at all around other pre-meds, you’ll understand why I have such great disdain for pre-meds.

No TweetBacks yet. (Be the first to Tweet this post)

Related posts:

  1. the art of the major professor huntI've received some questions lately about how to find a good major professor and thought that I would address them in a post. First off, I'm obviously not really one to be doling out such advice since I chose horribly wrong, but I suppose I could at least speak to the warning signs to look for when on the hunt for a major professor. 1. How many grad students/post-docs does he have? If your lab-to-be is as deserted as, well, the desert, you should go running for your life. Why? You would think that the fewer people in the lab, the more attention you'll get. Though that may be true, do you really want attention from your major professor all of the time? Plus, fewer people in the lab means more meaningless non-PhD-related grunt work for you. And did you ever stop to think that maybe there's no one in the lab because your major professor-to-be is impossible to work for and anyone with half a brain knew better than to work for him? Yeah, nothing says run for your life more than an empty lab. 2. How does your major professor treat the people who are in the lab? This question might be hard to assess without actually spending a lot of time in his lab. For the few weeks that you may be there for your rotation, everything might appear rosy if your major professor-to-be is good at hiding his mean streak (like mine was), but given enough...
  2. top 10 reasons why i wish i never got marriedIn honor of having yet another huge fight with my husband over the in-laws.  Here they are. 10. No more dirty, smelly socks all over the place. 9. One less person to clean up after. 8. More room on the bed and no getting "accidentally" whacked in the nose while I'm sleeping.  It's hazardous! 7. Less stuff = less mess. 6. Then maybe I would actually still be having sex. 5. No in-laws. 4. No in-laws. 3. No in-laws. 2. No in-laws. 1. No in-laws.  What can I say?  Having no in-laws is absolutely priceless in my book....
  3. top 10 1st- and 2nd- year medical student responses to “so what specialty are you going into?”Tell anyone with half a brain that you’re a medical student and you’ll likely be met with this question, the answer to which is kind of hard to know during the basic science years when we’ve had virtually no exposure to anything vaguely clinical let alone anything that has anything to do with any specialty. Here are some attempts at answering this all-important question. 10. Huh? You mean there’s more after med school? Doh! 9. Well, my mom/dad/personal trainer/dentist/friend/stylist/sibling/random guy I met on the street all say Radiology is the best. So Radiology it is! 8. Duh. It’s simple. I’m going into Neurosurgery. Because (I in my own weird little super-competitive-it’s-all-about-me world think) it’s the most awe-inspiring specialty and I need my ego stroked. Constantly. 7. PM&R—plenty of money & relaxation. Did you really think I was in it to help people? 6. I’m just going to say that I want to go into Orthopaedic surgery/Radiology/Dermatology so that I can make myself look all gunner-like, but I really deep down inside just want to go into Internal Medicine. 5. Duh. General surgery. Because I’m just Type-A like that. 4. I’m only going to limit myself to the specialties that entail less than 5 additional years of training (I really prefer only 4) and that will make me at least $200K a year. Oh yeah. And I refuse to work anything beyond 8-5. I need time to enjoy my money, you know. 3. HowcanIpossiblywaituntilIgoonrotationstofigurethisallimportantlifedecisionout?! *breathes into bag* 2. Well, I think...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

2 Responses to “top 10 reasons why you don’t want me as your professor in the future”

Leave a Reply

You must login to post a comment.