So despite my best efforts to convince him otherwise, my husband is stubbornly continuing in his quest to get into med school and is again taking some classes this semester. And, apparently, I’ve become his personal TA. Mind you now, I have zero experience TAing because I managed to weasel my way out of my grad school’s TA requirement thanks to being in a time-limited dual-degree program (read: I don’t have time to waste trying to teach silly undergrads). I also haven’t touched any of the material he’s now learning for well over five years, which doesn’t make his reliance on me as his personal human encyclopedia instead of going to the trouble of actually reading his textbooks rather annoying. Ironic that my goal is to go into academics because I’m pretty sure I would make a horrible professor. So here are the top 10 reasons why you don’t want me for your professor if I ever get that far:
10. I really can’t stand you and I’m not afraid to show it.
Corollary: If you’re a pre-med, I’ll make things twice as hard for you because I really can’t stand pre-meds.
9. I have absolutely zero tolerance for any whining/complaining/demands for extra credit. Such actions will result in you wishing you were never born.
8. I’m aiming for all 1s across at ratemyprofessor.com. Except for the hotness factor, of course. Because I’m hot.
7. No two exams of mine will ever be alike. Or even close to being alike. So go ahead and hoard my old exams, you dirty cheater.Â They won’t help you at all.
6. Lectures will take place at a pace three times faster than what you can follow.
5. And, no, I will not post my Powerpoint presentations before lecture. You’ll be lucky if I post them after lecture.
4. And, no, I will not repeat what I just said. Because you should have been listening to me instead of listening to your iPod/making eyes at your neighbor/text messaging/IMing your psycho significant other. There is nothing I hate more than repeating myself.
3. Asking whether or not what I just put my heart and soul into teaching you will be on the test will result in a swift death.
2. Any question you ask me is a stupid question, which means you’re stupid, and I’ll make sure you know it.
Corollary: I will respond to any question you ask me with another question until you realize that it would just be faster if you looked up the answer yourself in your textbook instead of wasting my time because you can’t be bothered with opening your textbook.
1. My goal as a professor is to break your spirit. Oh, and to ruin that 4.0 GPA. And to crush your hopes of ever getting into med school.
DISCLAIMER: I’m not trying to alienate my pre-med readers. If you’re a pre-med and spend any time at all around other pre-meds, you’ll understand why I have such great disdain for pre-meds.