why must everything be about not-so-dear brother-in-law?

Just because I haven’t written about my crazy in-laws for awhile does not by any means mean that they’ve become any less crazy. I just figured that I would give the whining a break before I scare off all two of my readers. Well, I think I’ve taken a long enough break from all of that, so here’s an in-law-centric post.

My husband and I went on vacation recently to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We make it a point to spend it at the location where we got married because it’s quite picturesque and not too expensive to travel to every year. Well, it also happens to be the location where not-so-dear brother-in-law is staying for the summer because he’s pretending that he’s studying really hard for the OAT (come on now, who actually needs to study for the OAT?!) when in fact it’s because his super psycho super fugly girlfriend wants him all to herself for the summer. Suffice it to say, we didn’t bother to inform him of our visit or try to make contact in any way. Which of course doesn’t mean that he didn’t know about our visit. Because we stayed at my other brother-in-law’s place (yes, they go to the same college even though they hate each other), which required him to have knowledge of our visit, it can safely be assumed that not-so-dear brother-in-law knew we were there because gossip in my husband’s family spreads faster than herpes through a college dorm. But true to his puppetmaster girlfriend’s nature, we received nary a phone call from him while we were there. Which was fine with me.

I thought everything was okay until my more charismatic (read: took my advice and is playing the field quite liberally instead of being tied down with just one super psycho super fugly girlfriend) brother-in-law called me and told me about his conversation with his mom (aka mother-in-law).

Mother-in-law (bursts into charismatic brother-in-law’s room early one morning after getting off the phone with not-so-dear brother-in-law): Your older brother visited your college town last week?

Charismatic brother-in-law: Uh…yeah.

Mother-in-law: And you let him stay at your place?

Charismatic brother-in-law: Yeah.

Mother-in-law: Why didn’t he call not-so-dear brother-in-law?

Charismatic brother-in-law: How would I know? Maybe it’s because they were on vacation and didn’t want to be bothered?

All of a sudden, I understand why charismatic brother-in-law hates not-so-dear brother-in-law. Because even when he does a good deed, in this case giving his older brother a place to stay, it’s not good enough and everybody wants to know why it wasn’t not-so-dear brother-in-law who saved the day. Because everything is about not-so-dear brother-in-law. Because he’s the golden child despite the fact that he’s clearly not the person that he pretends to be. I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard “What about not-so-dear brother-in-law?” “How’s not-so-dear brother-in-law doing?” etc. Hello! There are three other siblings here! Why does everybody only care about the worst of them all? What can I say? My husband has one messed up family. If only I had known this little fact before I married him and got sucked into the mess.

Related posts:

  1. the in-law circle of trust There are several things of note in this little diagram of my in-law’s circle of trust: 1.  Father-in-law is on the fringes of the circle of trust.  Why?  Because he’s kind of kooky and does his own thing.  Kind of explains why mother-in-law relies so much on her kids—because her husband doesn’t do much.  But that being the case doesn’t make her bordering-on-incestuous dependency on her kids okay.  It just means that maybe, just maybe, she should have married a more supportive husband. 2.  Not so dear brother-in-law’s super psycho super fugly girlfriend is well inside the circle.  Well, good for her!  Better her than me!  She super kisses crazy mother-in-law’s ass to trick mother-in-law into thinking she’s God’s gift to her son despite her super psychoness and super fugliness.  Mother-in-law is more than happy to fall for it since she gets another servant.  Oh, the lows she will go to just to have someone else serve her sorry ass—letting her son stay with such fugliness—has she thought about what this will do to her family gene pool?!   In any case, if super psycho super fugly girlfriend is dumb enough to stick her nose all the way up mother-in-law’s hemorrhoidific ass, then all I have to say is I hope not so dear brother-in-law doesn’t mind the smell when he kisses her. 3.  My other brother-in-law is well outside the circle.  And has been.  Because he’s smart and knows better than to get caught up in that shit.  Now...
  2. gouge out my eyes! please!So I was bored and surfing Facebook this morning (you know you do it too). I noticed that my brother-in-law's ex-girlfriend/f***buddy/who-knows-what-because-he- has-so-many-of-them posted some new pictures so I decided to check them out only to be met by this abomination: Yes, that hideous thing is not-so-dear brother-in-law's super psycho super fugly girlfriend. And I apologize for not warning you first. And I guarantee you that this drawing is pretty damn true to life, what with the squinty eyes and super gummy smile that she insists on not keeping to herself. You see, I was caught off guard here because brother-in-law-with-many-women and not-so-dear brother-in-law don't really get along, so I didn't expect to find not-so-dear brother-in-law let alone super psycho super fugly girlfriend in these pictures. Just goes to show you what a double agent brother-in-law-with-many-women is. Anyway, resting my eyes on that image made me want to gouge out my eyes. And I'm sorry if I have now made you want to gouge yours out too. There was just no other way for me to express my disgust. Besides, now you can be sure that I'm not even close to exaggerating when I call her super fugly....
  3. finally, proofI've always thought that not-so-dear brother-in-law must like ugly girls with alarmingly gummy smiles to still be with his super fugly super psycho girlfriend after 2+ years of fugly-psychoness and now I have my confirmation. This small study found that we look at faces and not bodies (not that she has a nice body anyway) when deciding whether a person is attractive or not. So since not-so-dear brother-in-law was attracted to his super fugly super psycho girlfriend despite the fact that she's super fugly, it can only mean that he finds fugly attractive. I think I just vomit in my mouth a little....

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2 Responses to “why must everything be about not-so-dear brother-in-law?”

  1. 1 314

    can’t they come up with a more intimidating acronym than OAT?

  2. 2 mylifemypace

    Hah. I guess not. :P

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