Hello! This guy’s a professional doctor. Plays golf and everything, I bet.

KID: You’re a doctor?
HOUSE: Own my own stethoscope.

HOUSE: On the other hand, we don’t really know anything about schizophrenia, so maybe it is connected.
WILSON: Well, schizophrenia explains one mystery – why you’re so fascinated by a woman with a bump in her leg. It’s like Picasso deciding to whitewash a fence.
HOUSE: Thanks. I’m more of a Leroy Neiman man. And it is only about the D.V.T. She’s 38 years old. She shouldn’t –
WILSON: Right, solve this one, and you’re on your way to Stockholm.
HOUSE: We don’t even know how to treat it. Come on. Fumigation of the vagina?
WILSON: A little louder. I don’t think everyone heard you.
HOUSE: Two thousand years ago, that’s how Galen treated schizophrenics. The Marcus Welby of ancient Greece.
WILSON: Oh, clearly you’re not interested.
HOUSE: Oh, I’m interested. I’m interested in how voices in the head could be caused by malposition of the uterus.
WILSON: There’s a better place for it?
HOUSE: Now, what do we got? We’ve got lobotomies, rubber rooms, electric shocks. My, Galen was so primitive.
WILSON: Where are you going?
HOUSE: Going to see the patient. That all-important human connection. Thought I’d give it a whirl.
WILSON: You won’t talk to patients because they lie, but give you a patient with no concept of reality –
HOUSE: If it wasn’t for Socrates, that raving, untreated schizophrenic, we wouldn’t have the Socratic method, the best way of teaching everything, apart from juggling chain saws. Without Isaac Newton we’d be floating on the ceiling…
WILSON: Dodging chain saws, no doubt.
HOUSE: And that guitar player in that English band. He was great. You think I’m interested because of the schizophrenia.
WILSON: Yeah, I’m pretty sure.
HOUSE: Galen was pretty sure about the fumigation thing. Pink Floyd.

HOUSE: Well, good news. The lab says it’s not strep, so we’re done.
WOMAN: Wait a second.
HOUSE: No, really not strep. The boys in the lab, sure, they’re hard drinkers, but they’re pros, you know. Plus, your kid actually has none of the symptoms for strep. I just figured it was quicker running the test than arguing with you. My point is, go!

Look, I have a cane and I know how to use it.

It turns out your best judgment is not good enough. Here’s an idea – next time, use mine.

Gee, I wish my idea was as cool and with-it as yours. What is yours, by the way? Do you have one?

Oh, god you’re upset about something. You’re gonna open up to me now, aren’t you?

HOUSE: Love that outfit. It says, “I’m professional, but I’m still a woman.” Actually, it sort of ells the second part.
CUDDY: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.
HOUSE: Gotta go. Those running noses aren’t just gonna start walking on their own.

Well, normally, I’d put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the sun one more time. I really didn’t think it was gonna make it this year, but darn it if it wasn’t the little planet that could all over again.

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