ah, premeds…

They just might be more amusing than med students. Our collaborators in my study have a lot (more like an army) of undergrad volunteers and they sure take full advantage of them. Their duties include making sure that all the supply racks are full, that the floor is swept and mopped, and general stuff-grabbing and copy making for Weird Animal Surgeon Lady. For all of that scutwork, they get to observe her surgeries and sometimes assist by retracting skin or stapling or some other inane thing. I don’t know why this particular lab attracts so many premeds since they work exclusively with animals, but my guess is that it’s the surgery—undergrads probably don’t get to see (let alone assist in) any surgeries, human or animal, so they get all excited that they can assist in any surgery, nevermind that it’s in an animal.

So there were three such undergrad volunteers on the day of my last experiment. They always think so little of me because they think I’m a grad student and well, because I’m little and look like I’m 19. But their indifference turns into awe when they find out that I am in fact an MD/PhD student. Yes, that’s right: I pwn all of you. Haha. Then come the questions. What’s med school like? What MCAT score do I need to get in? How does the MD/PhD program work? How long is it? Blah, blah, blah.

But today, one guy, we’ll call him Just Full of Stupid Questions Premed Guy, amused me. We were in the middle of trying to intubate the animal and he just keeps asking questions. His best one was this one:

Just Full of Stupid Questions Premed Guy: This animal’s a female, right?
Weird Animal Surgeon Lady (points to the male genitals): Uh, no, it’s a male.
Just Full of Stupid Questions Premed Guy: But it has nipples.
Me (to myself): Uh, did he really just say that?
Weird Animal Surgeon Lady: Uh, so do you.
Just Full of Stupid Questions Premed Guy: But it has so many.
Weird Animal Surgeon Lady: Then I guess you should be glad you’re not this animal.

It took everything I had not to point and laugh at him. When you think about identifying the sex of an animal, don’t you look at its genitalia and not its nipples? Or is it just that he’s too used to identifying human females by their nipples? Or is he just a silly premed trying to impress with the depth of his questions? If that was the case, he sure screwed up!

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The patient is a 20-something-year-old MD/PhD student with a history of extensive schooling now presenting with frustration at her current lack of progress consistent with being stuck in a rut.
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