Show me a 20-year-old whoâ€™s not in love. You get married at 20, youâ€™re going to be shocked with who youâ€™re living with at 30.
HOUSE: Whoâ€™s he talking to?
HOUSE: Itâ€™s got an ass. Technically, that makes it a â€œwho.â€
How many more failed relationships are we both going to have to deal with before you learn to love yourself? And I mean that in the literal way.
HOUSE: If heâ€™s not hitting that, then why is she here?
CAMERON: Because Iâ€™m hitting that and itâ€™s totally hot.
You want me to touch you? Itâ€™s your private place!
Try a lubricant or foreplay if youâ€™re cheap.
Sorry, already met this monthâ€™s quota of useless tests for stubborn idiots.
Please stop. Itâ€™s hard to write through the haze of bitter tears.
TRITTER: Last nurse you made fun of, she probably slipped some crap into your coffee.
HOUSE: Yeah. I asked for decrappinated coffee.
Thereâ€™s a reason that we donâ€™t let kids vote, or drink, or work in salt mines: theyâ€™re idiots! Twenty-year-olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their oil filters. Which they should do more often.
Good. Now go rub their lying, cheating privates with a cotton swab.
HOUSE: Any of your shorties ever been whities?
FOREMAN: Iâ€™m not sure I understand your ghetto slang, Dr. House. How many black women have you dated by the way?
HOUSE: I donâ€™t care about color as long as they can help me breed a superior race.
He got off easyâ€”I almost gave him a colonoscopy.
CUDDY: Pay attention to me.
HOUSE: Sorry, that would make it harder to ignore you.
WILSON: Your real fear is me having a good relationship.
HOUSE: Yes. That keeps me up at night. That and the lochness monster, global warming, evolution, other fictional conceptsâ€¦
Good point. Letâ€™s biopsy something safer, like her shoes.
If they die now, theyâ€™ll never be able to grow old and tired of each other.
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