spin (season 2, episode 6)

STACY: We need to talk.
HOUSE: Oh god. Are you pregnant? Because I really want to finish high school.

You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a…I can’t think of a non-sexual metaphor.

MANAGER: We’ve got confidentiality, right?
HOUSE: Assuming I’m more ethical than your client.

Respiratory distress. And insanity doesn’t cause it. I looked it up.

CAMERON: We don’t make careers out of who can stay awake the longest.
CHASE: Really? Ever been to oh, I don’t know, med school?
[lol]

I love when you do both sides of the conversation. It’s like white noise. It’s very peaceful.

WILSON: Is there a light somewhere that goes on when I have food?
HOUSE: Green for food, orange for beverages, red for impure thoughts. That bulb burns out every two weeks.

When you save someone’s life, they owe you forever.

WILSON: Uh, Mark is in group therapy for people coping with disability. He was thinking about developing a drug addiction but that would be stupid.
HOUSE: Hey! You’re…you again!

What makes a guy start drooling? Chase, were you wearing your short shorts?

HOUSE: Go forth and scan his neck.
CHASE: His neck?
HOUSE: Or repeat everything I say in question form.

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  1. house training (season 3, episode 20)WILSON: She wants me to take Hector. HOUSE: Pool boy? WILSON: Dog. HOUSE: No longer interested. HOUSE: I asked her as a test. WILSON: What would you have learned if she’d said yes? HOUSE: A lot about bondage. What’s life without the ability to make stupid choices? There’s a lot of porn piling up on the internet.  Doesn’t download itself. CUDDY: Maybe I just want a friend and I thought Wilson was a safe choice. HOUSE: I’m not safe?  Cool. I don’t usually put out on my first date, but I gotta say, that is a rad move. We’re saving your life.  We’re that good. If you keep yelling, I’ll think you owe me sex. DISCLAIMER: All copyrighted content is the property of its respective owners....
  2. role model (season 1, episode 17)I don’t do speeches.  I’m shy. I just find being forced to sit through drivel annoying. It’s not the food.  It’s your brain. Last week you didn’t get annoyed.  You made poopie in your pants. Afternoon delight.  She just loves the hard wood. This could leave you b-b-braindead and you’re worried about NASCAR dads? If that were true, would Dr. Wilson’s mouth be contorted into that ugly shape? CHASE: You made a deal with Vogler? HOUSE: It’s all the rage.  Everybody’s doing it. Are you comparing me to God?  That’s great, but just so you know, I’ve never made a tree. People pray so that God won’t crush them like bugs. That’s very moving.  It’s a shame I don’t vote. CUDDY: Why do you have to make everything so dramatic? HOUSE: Because I’m a very high strung little lap dog.  Ruff ruff! Ruff. Growl. Ruff. Idiopathic from the Latin meaning we’re idiots because we can’t figure out what’s causing it. You have restored my faith in the human race—you’re lying. CHASE: And his spleen isn’t enlarged. HOUSE: Well, size isn’t everything. Now go tell our human pin cushion we’ll be sticking him one more time. I am not warm and fuzzy and you are basically a stuffed animal made by Grandma. Well, it was a stupid idea when you said it. DISCLAIMER: All copyrighted content is the property of its respective owners....
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