FOREMAN: His right testicle is almost twice as big as his left.
When guys have brain-crotch problems, itâ€™s usually the result of using one too much and the other too little.
HOUSE: No, I donâ€™t want to know who gets the chocolates. I want to know who youâ€™re having the affair with.
WILSON: Fell on his head as a child. Tragic.
HOUSE: Norwegian chocolate. Frankly, you buy that stuff, the terrorists win.
WILSON: Some people bottle up their feelings, have them come out as physical pain. Healthy human beings express feelings such as affection by giving gifts.
HOUSE: Gifts express guilt. The more expensive the expression, the deeper the guilt. Thatâ€™s a $12 box, so that means you havenâ€™t slept with her yet, or she wasn’t that good.
WILSON: Itâ€™s not all about sex, House.
HOUSE: Really? When did that change?
You mean calm as in peaceful lake on a cool summer evening? Or in the lesser used meaning of nothing can ever bother you again because life has absolutely no meaning? High dose of depo provera will chemically castrate you.
HOUSE: Wilson! How long can you go without sex?
WILSON: How long can you go without annoying people?
HOUSE: No seriously, a week? A month?
WILSON: Iâ€™m not having an affair.
HOUSE: I didnâ€™t say you were. Not in this conversation. Iâ€™m talking about a patient!
FOREMAN: People have impulse control, we donâ€™t need sex.
HOUSE: Well not like air, but as a biological imperative, sure we do. Thereâ€™s two things we get stupid for: money and sex and since money rarely enters the bloodstreamâ€¦
Hi, Iâ€™m Dr. House. I hear youâ€™d rather die than admit you had sex.
HENRY: I assume that youâ€™ve been in love.
HOUSE: Is that the one that makes you pants feel funny?
So what is it? A disease that attacks his brain, heart and testicles. I think Byron wrote about that.
Seems there are other ways to kill people besides having sex with them.
If you really cared about me, you’d find me a better corpse.
Big fat sloppy heart beats no heart at all.
Three minutes ago her organs were officially declared not viable. Time to go dumpster diving.
CAMERON: Weâ€™re going to cure death?
HOUSE: Mwahahahaha. Doubt it.
WILSON: No. Letâ€™s just say. Does it occur to you that maybe thereâ€™s some deeper guidance than keeping your mouth shut? That maybe a friend might value concern over glibness? That maybe…maybe Iâ€™m going through something that I need to have an actual conversation about?
HOUSE: Does it occur to you that if you need that kind of a friend, that you may have made some deeper errors?
Sheâ€™s a fridge with the power out. We start poking around inside, the vegetable goes bad. No offence.
Sex with teenagers isnâ€™t interesting? Where did you grow up?
CAMERON: Sheâ€™s positive for gonorrhea!
HOUSE: I think thatâ€™s the first time those words have been uttered in joy.
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