house vs god (season 2, episode 19)

I’m finally getting around to posting my favorite House-isms, starting with the latest episode, which was just full of juicy House-isms (so apologies if this post is super-long)! Check back for House-isms from previous and future episodes. Enjoy!

Gotta go. Building full of sick people. If I hurry maybe I can avoid them.

You talk to God, you’re religious. God talks to you, you’re psychotic.

CHASE: A lot of people experience their religion as something more than symbolic. That doesn’t mean—
HOUSE: God ever talk to you when you were in the seminary?
CHASE: [scoffs] No.
HOUSE: God’s loss, our gain.

CHASE: You’re going to talk to a patient?
HOUSE: God talks to him. Would be arrogant of me to assume that I’m better than God.

HOUSE: Faith? That’s another word for ignorance, isn’t it? I never understood how people could be so proud of believing in something with no proof at all, like that’s an achievement.
BOYD: God’s asking for our trust. You can’t love somebody and not trust them.
HOUSE: Trust has to be earned. Can’t trust someone hiding in a closet.

BOYD’S DAD: You think germs might have gotten in?
HOUSE: I think water might have gotten in.

WILSON: Don’t give up on us. And don’t be startled by the sound you’re about to hear…I have a friend with boundary issues.

WILSON: Can this wait five minutes?
HOUSE: Is she dying?
HOUSE: Before the end of this consult?
WILSON: They could build monuments to your self-centeredness.
HOUSE: Patient. Fifteen years old. Faith healer. Hotline to God.
WILSON: What are his symptoms?
HOUSE: He is not a saint. He figures out what’s going on with people’s lives by watching, listening, deducing—
WILSON: And you’re worried about trademark infringement?
HOUSE: Then he passes on advice from God so he can watch them jump. It’s a power trip.
WILSON: Ah. And there the similarities end. Why is he here?
HOUSE: I fear for the human race. Teenager claims to be the voice of God and people with advanced degrees are listening.
WILSON: The majority of Americans believe in a personal God. What are his symptoms?
HOUSE: Massive cramps, low sodium. Turns out he’s been drinking water nonstop. God told him to purify his body.
WILSON: Huge water intake would cause his low sodium.
HOUSE: Which would cause the cramping. Yeah, I think I know.
WILSON: What? That’s it? You solved it. You just brought me out here to rant because faith annoys you?
HOUSE: Mmm-hmmm. He’s all better. You know, I get it. That people are just looking for ways to fill the holes. But they want the holes. They want to live in the holes. And they go nuts when someone else pours dirt in their holes. Climb out of your holes, people!
ASIDE: I just knew that when House started ranting about people and holes that it would culminate in something to the effect of, “Get your heads out of the sand!” “Climb out of your holes, people” was more than close enough. I practically jumped for joy when he said that! House doesn’t like sand people either! Yay!

That’s not fair! We were having fun! It’s hard to keep sniping rationally when you throw a bomb like that in there!

Hmm. How to settle this? We can ask our patient to ask God or we could MRI his brain.

WILSON: Why do I have the feeling you’re plotting world domination?

His name is not Wilson and he’s screwed up more than I am.

WILSON: And that’s why religious belief annoys you. Because if the universe operates by abstract rules, you can learn them and you can protect yourself. If a supreme being exists, he can squash you any time he wants.
HOUSE: He knows where I am.

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